


Shadow of the mind

by Dissenter



Category: Magic Kaito
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Ethical Dilemmas, Identity Issues, Identity Reveal, Jekyll and Hyde, Mental Health Issues, Psychological Horror, compromised principles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-10 18:45:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11697663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dissenter/pseuds/Dissenter
Summary: The phantom thief Kaitou Kid has returned. No-one knows who he is or where he goes when not on heists, but Hakuba Saguru has a theory. Meanwhile Kuroba Kaito has been losing time.





	1. Jekyll

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kind of surprised more people haven't tried this actually. Considering the setup, it's not really a stretch, for Kaito to be an entirely separate personality to the Kid.

Sometimes, there were days, when Saguru felt a deep and abiding urge to _strangle_ Kuroba. Days when he had stayed up all night chasing the Kid and being utterly humiliated, and then stayed up even later doing the paperwork that went with the job, and then come into school exhausted and worn thin only to be hit by yet another of Kuroba’s pranks.

Kuroba was Kid, he had to be Kid. It fit, the body type, and the skills, the inside access, and the _attitude,_ the fact that the first Kid had disappeared right about the time Kuroba’s father had died. Saguru _knew_ he was Kid, and it was downright infuriating, the way he acted so _offended_ whenever Saguru accused him. It wasn’t like he expected him to _admit_ to anything, but the sheer finality of his denials, it was frustrating. He’d hoped at least for a mysterious smile, a hint, some kind of acknowledgement that he’d done well to figure it out, even if none of it was said out loud. But Kuroba gave him nothing, not even a twitch of recognition when Saguru alluded to recent heists. Under other circumstances he would have been impressed by Kuroba’s acting skills.

…

Sometimes, Kaito rather felt he hated Hakuba. Days when he’d come in to school not knowing why he felt so bone tired, when he was trying so hard to hold on to his poker face and Hakuba just wouldn’t _stop_ accusing him of being the Kaitou Kid. It seemed like nothing he could do would convince Hakuba he wasn’t the thief, not even spending a heist handcuffed to the guy. It had been almost funny at first, but then it dragged on, and on, and he just wouldn’t _stop,_ and Kaito had just been feeling so _tired_ lately.

He’d woken up that morning with bruises that he didn’t remember getting, he must have kicked the side of his bed in his sleep, and it hurt enough that his patience was worn thin. He was not in the mood to deal with Hakuba. And judging by the shadows under Hakuba’s eyes he probably wasn’t in any mood to deal with Kaito, but he’d force the two of them to interact with each other anyway, keep on accusing him anyway, because he was a detective and they just didn’t know how to let go of an obsession. And it was an obsession, trying to prove Kaito was Kid.

“Where were you, what were you doing, who was with you?” the questions never ceased. Kaito banished a shadow of uneasiness at the fact that all too often he didn’t have a truthful answer to the questions. Kid heists took place late at night, _Normal_ people didn’t have alibits for two in the morning on a school night, it was perfectly reasonable for him to have been in bed asleep.

Even if sometimes he didn’t quite remember actually _going_ to bed.

Kaito didn’t know what to do to get Hakuba off his back though. Just what would it take to get it through that guy’s thick head that he _wasn’t_ the Kid? That he would _never_ misuse his father’s teachings that way, never betray Aoko that way. Just because some of the tricks Kid used were uncomfortably familiar, were ones he’d learned from his father, didn’t mean anything. He was a _magician_ not a thief.

_But you’ve been losing time,_ an inner voice whispered softly to him. He dismissed the thought. He was just tired, distracted, no-one remembered every minute of every day. So what if sometimes he woke up without remembering quite how he ended up in bed, so what if sometimes there were odd gaps in his memory of events, bruises he didn’t remember getting. It didn’t mean he was the _Kid._

…

There were differences, in presentation, in persona, between Kuroba, and the Kid. The Kid was smoother, more polished, while Kuroba was more carefree, more wild. Saguru still wasn’t sure which face was the mask, the performance, and which was the truth laid bare. The fact that he couldn’t tell was an impressive indication of the level of Kuroba’s acting ability. Although recently there had been a strain visible in Kuroba’s behaviour that hadn’t been there before, an unfamiliar crack in the mask. Saguru might have thought it was because he was finally getting to him, wearing him down, but even when he’d backed off the tension had remained.

Kuroba came in nearly as tired as Saguru did, and Saguru _knew_ it was because he’d been up all night committing crime. The effects were becoming obvious even to their mostly oblivious classmates, but still the Kid didn’t slow down or take a break, and he hadn’t pegged Kuroba as _that_ self destructive. Despite himself, Saguru was worried.

…

The bruises kept coming, and it was harder and harder to convince himself they were from moving around in his sleep. Kaito was sleeping too long nearly every night now, and still he could barely keep his eyes open through school. Aoko kept asking him what was wrong, but he didn’t have an answer for her. A part of him couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Hakuba did. When he slept he dreamed of moonlight, and gems that glowed blood red. He tried to convince himself it didn’t mean anything, tried to shake the insidious feeling that there was someone else living inside his skin.

And then one day he woke up with a neatly bandaged bullet wound and there was no more lying to himself. He checked the news. Kaitou Kid had been shot on a heist, but had got away clean with the treasure. He poked at the wound on his arm, it hurt, a lot, he didn’t think it was the kind of injury he could get without knowing about it. He was losing time, always when Kid heists were taking place, he was waking up with injuries he didn’t remember getting, in places he didn’t remember going to. One of the smartest people he knew was utterly convinced he was the Kid, and he wondered if part of the reason he found Hakuba’s accusations so upsetting was because he’d always been afraid he might be right. The details, when added up left him with a sickening, crawling, suspiscion that there was more to his blackouts than simple exhaustion.

He didn’t go to school that day, instead spent it watching footage of all the Kid heists he could get his hands on. And every trick he saw only lent weight to the fear trickling down his spine. He _knew_ those tricks, he could list how every one of them was performed, they were _his_ tricks, the ones he’d learned from his father, the ones he’s made up himself. No magician’s show was quite the same, and yet watching the Kid was like looking in a mirror. Something cold settled behind Kaito’s ribs.

…

There was something off about Kuroba. He came in, looking tired, and even a little afraid, the perfect performer’s mask slipping, to reveal a weakness he thought Kuroba would probably be happier if he’d never seen. He hadn’t been in the previous day, and then he came in looking like that. It didn’t take a great detective to realise something had happened.

It only sent up more warning flags when he approached Kuroba at lunchtime and he didn’t react, just continued staring into the contents of his meal like it contained the secrets of the universe. It was out of character, and he thought about asking what was wrong. He didn’t think Kuroba would welcome the sentiment from him though, so he just sat down next to him and waited.

“What made you think I was the Kid?” Kuroba asked, suddenly, and Saguru found himself taken aback by the bluntness. He wasn’t sure how to answer that. In the end he decided on the truth, lies were Kuroba’s game not his.

“You fit the profile. The right age, the right build, the right skillset, and believe me there are not that many people your age with your skillset.” Kuroba preened a little at that before sobering as Saguru continued. “And there are similarities in presentation, in showmanship. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s too close to be a coincidence, and the differences could be explained away by context.”

“You suspect my father as well don’t you?” Kuroba said softly, “Oh don’t look so surprised, I might not be a detective, but I’m not an idiot. I’m too young to have been the Kid when all of this started, and my father died eight years ago, right before the Kid disappeared. It’s a logical connection.” Saguru had never seen Kuroba look so fragile. He didn’t understand this conversation at all, none of this should be new information to Kuroba, and yet he looked almost as though his whole world was falling apart with each new truth.

“Yes. I suspect your father was the first Kid.” Saguru admitted, Kuroba was too smart, and too good at reading people, for it to be worth trying to lie to him at this point.

“You are one of the smartest people I know.” Saguru started at the unexpected praise. It wasn’t something he’d ever expected to hear, not from Kuroba anyway. “You are one of the smartest people I know, and for the whole time I’ve known you, you’ve been absolutely convinced I was the Kid.” Saguru nodded unsure where this was going. Kuroba’s voice dropped low. “I’m afraid you might be right.” Saguru froze in shock.

“Are you… confessing?” He asked carefully, it didn’t _sound_ quite like a confession, but what else could it be? Kuroba shook his head.

“That’s not it. It’s… I might be Kid, I don’t _know,_ I _need_ to know.” There was something desperate in his classmate’s eyes, and Saguru was starting to think the situation with Kuroba and the Kid might be more complicated than he thought. He held his silence and motioned for Kuroba to continue.

“I’ve been losing time.” Kuroba admitted quietly. “I assumed I was just sleeping, but half the time I have no memory of going to bed. I’ve been waking up with bruises, cuts, and I have no idea where I got them. I’ve been losing time, and, you think I’m Kid, and I don’t _know,_ if you’re right or wrong.” Kuroba’s poker face was almost perfect, but Saguru was a detective, and he’d spent the last _year_ studying Kuroba, he could see the traces of fear beneath the mask.

“It sounds like this has been going on for a while, why come to me _now?”_ Saguru took care to keep his voice neutral. He didn’t know _why_ Kuroba had come to him for help, it wasn’t exactly his area of expertise, but there was no sense in panicking Kuroba now.

“Because yesterday morning I woke up with a bullet wound, and I couldn’t lie to myself any longer. Bruises I could dismiss as just a consequence of restless sleeping, lost time could just be tiredness, or distraction. Gunshot wounds, there’s really no good explanaition for those.” Kuroba gave a sickly smile. “I need to know how I could get shot, and then bandaged up, and not realize until the next morning.” Saguru started cursing to himself, slowly, and intently, because here, _finally_ was the proof that Kuroba was the Kid. Kid had been shot the night before last, they had one of the bullets, if they pulled Kuroba in they could check the wound against the weapon. He finally had the evidence, and he couldn’t use it.

Compromise his honour as a detective, or compromise his decency as a human being, and Saguru couldn’t betray Kuroba’s trust. Not when he looked at him, lost, afraid, and desperate for answers. That was probably what Kuroba had been counting on, the reason he’d been willing to open up to him. Kid and Kuroba both, were all too good at knowing which way people would jump. If Kuroba was telling the truth, and Saguru’s instincts said he was, then he had no idea what his alter ego did at night, and Saguru wasn’t the kind of person who could turn him in without at least _trying_ to help.

God it was a _mess._ Was Kuroba even _responsible_ for what the Kid did? Did the Kid even know about Kuroba? Did he care? Saguru tried to imagine what it would be like to have his own mind betray him like that, to find out that he was an internationally wanted criminal and he hadn’t even known it, to know that he wasn’t alone in his own head. He certainly didn’t think he’d be holding it together as well as Kuroba was, and Saguru could see he was hanging on by his fingernails. In the end, Saguru chose to be a good man, he wouldn’t, couldn’t turn Kuroba in.

“Alright then.” He stood up and offered his hand to Kuroba. “I assume you want my help finding out the truth.” Kuroba nodded, and took his hand.

“Yes. I _need_ to know. I need to know what’s happening, what I’ve been doing, _why_ I’ve been doing it. And I knew, if I honestly asked you for help, you wouldn’t turn me in. Not until we’d found the full story at least.” Saguru hated the fact that Kuroba was right, that he’d been able to read him so well, but it didn’t change his decision.

“Well then. I suppose we should start at your house. If you _are_ the Kid there should be some evidence there.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it ends there i'm afraid, because I have no idea how i'd resolve that situation.  
> Basically Kaito has a proper Jekyll and Hyde thing going on, and Kaito has no idea what the Kid is doing. He probably needs a therapist. Really badly.  
> Hakuba is trying to help, against his better judgement. Because he has kind of a weak spot for  
> anyone who asks him for help with a case. Of course it would be Kaito who saddled him with a "find out what my criminal alter ego does at night" case.


	2. Hyde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaitou Kid wakes up to find Kaito chan has been telling tales out of school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kid's side of the situation, as requested. Takes place after Hakuba and Kaito's investigation uncovers the location of the secret room.

Kid opened his eyes in the secret room, and realised that he had a very curious Tantei san standing beside him. How _very_ unexpected. What _had_ darling Kaito chan been up to, he wondered. Now what to do, what to do, it seemed like his cover had been blown. Maybe he should have been a _little_ more careful with Kaito chan, it seemed like he’d taken drastic action to find out what Kid had been doing. Kid could respect that, he was a drastic kind of guy himself, but it was inconvenient. He’d rather been counting on Kaito chan’s natural sense of self preservation and his general dislike of Tantei san to keep him from getting Tantei san involved. Oh well, even the best magicians miscalculated sometimes, the true mark of greatness, was in how well he could salvage the situation.

…

It happened between one breath and the next, as fast as thought. Saguru saw something shift in Kuroba’s face, in his stance, in the way he moved. Then he turned to face Saguru and he realised it wasn’t Kuroba anymore.

“Well, well Tantei san.” Kid said with a deadly smile. “It looks like you’ve found me.”

He and Kuroba had found what they were looking for, what the both of them had been more than half afraid to find. They were standing in the heart of the Kid’s lair, in his territory. Of course he’d show up. Saguru should have expected it, but this case was far outside his comfort zone and it had his expectations all screwed up.

And now Kuroba was gone and Kid stood there in his place, and they were so alike and so different, it sent cold chills down his spine. He didn’t know what to say, and for a moment he hated them both, Kid and Kuroba, because they always had the right words in the right moment, while he found, now when it mattered most that his voice had failed him again.

“Why such a conflicted look Tan-tei-san.” The Kid sang out with an echo of the same mockery he used on heists. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“I don’t… I thought… I don’t know, I didn’t know. This is nothing like what I wanted.” Saguru cursed the way his own tongue turned traitor. Stumbling over all the things he didn’t have the words to say. It wasn’t what he wanted, not ever. Solving a case was supposed to make things simple not more complicated. One truth, as that kid Conan liked to say. There was nothing simple about this. And wasn’t it just typical that the Kid would be different in this regard as well. This was the answer to a question that he’d never wanted to ask, a truth that only made everything more painfully complicated. It wasn’t a question he’d wanted but finding answers had always come far too easily to him, and now he had a truth he didn’t know what to do with.

The Kid watched him, with eyes as cold and distant as moonlight. There was very little human in that gaze.

…

He watched Tantei san, watched as he tried to decide how to react, and considered his options. Kaito chan had rather backed him into a corner, bringing Tantei san in on this. He could knock Tantei san out, hide the evidence, and try and force a return to the status quo. Dismiss the whole thing as a bizzare dream and trust to Tantei san’s own desire to not have to face this situation to keep him from questioning too hard. Somehow he doubted that would work though. That was after all the whole problem with Tantei san, he _couldn’t_ stop asking questions, not even when he really, really wanted to. Tantei kun, and Tantei han were the same, it was probably a highschool detective thing. Nakamori keibu was always smart enough not to ask questions he didn’t really want answers for, his instincts knew how to avoid the questions that wuld break him. That instinct was missing, or maybe broken in Tantei san, and so Kid couldn’t count on Tantei san limiting his own questions.

It left Kid with two options. Well technically three if he was like the snipers in black and willing to kill witnesses, but “nobody gets hurt”, was a rule he wasn’t inclined to break, so two options. He could kill off Kaito chan, or he could try and turn Tantei san. What an _interesting_ dilemma this was.

On the one hand Tantei san was bound to the law, and logic stated that he would turn them in at the first opportunity. But on the other, logic had only the weakest of holds when the Kid was in play, and it would be a shame to break the equilibrium he and Kaito chan were holding without at least _trying._ After all, Tantei san looked altogether too conflicted to be completely immovable.

“So Tantei san. What _are_ you going to do now?” He was careful to keep his voice gentle, teasing. All the better to keep Tantei san off balance. This would after all take a considerable amount of finesse.

…

“Kuroba doesn’t know about you.” Saguru fell back on facts, on truth, an old standby when he didn’t know which way to turn.

“Well, he probably does now. That was very cruel of you Tantei san. I hid all this from dear Kaito chan for a reason after all.” Kid said softly. Saguru felt a little indignant on Kuroba’s behalf.

“He worked most of it out on his own. He’s not stupid Kid san.”

“No I suppose not.” Kid replied thoughtfuly, “That never was his problem. But suspicion is not certainty and you gave him _proof._ That was cruel.”

“It’s cruel of you to keep this secret from him. To make him into a criminal without his knowledge or consent.” Saguru snapped, angry at the hypocrisy.

“I have my reasons for what I do. You don’t need to know them.” Was all Kid said. Infuriatingly mysterious as ever, even now with hat, and white suit, and monocle gone, his true face laid bare.

“And what about Kuroba? Doesn’t he deserve to know?” It was a low blow, but Saguru had run out of patience with the Kid’s mind games a long time ago.

“He can’t handle it.” Kid snapped, an almost crack showing in his perfect mask.

“He’s stronger than you think.” Saguru pressed the advantage.

“No, he’s not. If he was strong enough to handle it, I wouldn’t _be_ here.” And finally, there was genuine anger showing on the phantom thief’s face. It looked subtly wrong, an entirely different expression to Kuroba’s anger, unpracticed and sharp edged. It didn’t quite fit on the face Kid and Kuroba shared. Saguru allowed himself to smile, and the Kid froze, realising suddenly, just how much he was letting slip. The Kid gathered together the tatters of his composure before continuing, but they both knew Saguru had seen more than he would have liked.

“Kaito chan found out the truth, and he couldn’t handle it, and so he _broke._ He broke and he created me to protect him, and do what he couldn’t, and that is what I have _done._ I will not apologise for it.” Kid’s voice was flat, and utterly emotionless, but Saguru had seen what lay behind the mask, and he was too much a detective not to keep pushing.

“Not knowing was breaking him too. I know, because I saw. He was coming in every day, more exhausted, more afraid, more certain that his own mind was betraying him. He was desperate enough to come to _me_ for help, so don’t tell me you weren’t destroying him.” It was a gamble, but if the Kid really did want to protect Kuroba, and Saguru’s instincts said that he did, then it might just pay off. He let his voice soften to just above a whisper. “What could be so important, that you would let it destroy yourselves this way?” The Kid looked away, refused to meet Saguru’s eyes as he answered.

“Revenge” He said, in a voice as cold and empty as the sky. He didn’t elaborate, but it was enough of a clue for Saguru’s detective instincts to start piecing together half suspected patterns.

…

“Your father.” Tantei san said, and Kid _knew_ he was bright, but that was an impressively fast realisation. “This is about your father. He was the first Kid wasn’t he?” Kid allowed himself to nod imperceptibly. Emboldened, Tantei san continued, “He was murdered, and you’re… trying to draw out his killers?”

“Close but not quite.” Kid smiled, bitterly. “I’m trying to find something. Something they killed him over. I’m going to find it, and I’m going to destroy it. They killed my father, so I’ll destroy the thing they wanted enough to kill for. Seems fair don’t you think.” Kid suspected his expression might have turned a little deranged, but honestly he didn’t care. Sanity wasn’t something he was all that sold on anyway. Tantei san, to his credit didn’t flinch.

“The snipers at your heists.” He said. It wasn’t a question. Kid nodded.

“If they catch me they’ll kill me. “But first they must catch me”, and he smiled, wildly, viciously. He could see the dawning realisation in Tantei san’s eyes, and he continued ruthless. “Or you must. After all, caged prey is so much easier to kill.

The two of them were silent for a while after that.

…

Kid broke the silence. “So what now?” he asked, his tone casual, his eyes wary. Saguru let the silence stretch out for a moment before answering, bitter, and angry, and resigned.

“Now? Well I can’t turn you in can I?” He laughed, with a hard worn edge, “I finally have proof of who you are, and I can’t use it. I can’t turn you in. Not when Kuroba will pay for your crimes, not when you’ll both die for them if you’re arrested.” He looked down at the floor. “And so the law fails.”

Saguru knew Kid had been manipulating him, Kid manipulated like he breathed after all and he’d hardly stop now. But in the end it didn’t matter. A part of Saguru had known, from the moment he’d first agreed to help Kuroba, that eventually it would come to this. His honour as a detective, or his conscience. He wasn’t ready to have Kuroba’s blood on his hands.

“Don’t worry I won’t turn you in.” He said, “I will be telling Kuroba the truth though. He needs to know.” Saguru chose to count it as a small victory when the Kid didn’t argue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn't expect to be adding to this, but people asked for the Kid's side of the story, and the idea grew, and so here it is.


End file.
